Oh the season of Lent; a time of praying, fasting, preparing, and reflection.    

As most of you know I decided that during the season of Lent this year I would forgo the use of FaceBook with hopes to not only strengthen my relationship with God but also with my family.  So of course these means I have to find different ways to pass the time and keep myself from getting bored.  What was interesting is that the purpose of giving something up is to help you become closer to God and after all if he can give His life for us why can't we give something up as silly as Facebook for him? 

What did I do you might ask...well probably drive my children and husband crazier then they already are.  The funny thing is after two days of not being on FaceBook I can honesty say I didn't really miss it. 

I had to communicate with my friends and loved ones through use of  an actual phone and not just shoot them a message on Facebook to see how they were.  They also had to use this same approach with me.  This is what we are missing; real personal connection.  We are so wrapped up in the hustle of technology that we can't even pick up the phone to call someone that we haven't talked to in years instead we just shoot them a Facebook wall post and hope that they see it before the rest of the notifications that they received.  I mean really what in the heck did we do before social networking, yes I know some of my young friends probably don't remember, but I do.  If I wanted to talk to my family or my friends 12 years ago I had to actual pick up the phone and talk to them...I could hear their voice.  I realized over the past several weeks that I miss that.  I miss hearing someone's voice and knowing that when they say they are doing okay they actually are.  

I also realized that sometimes I get wrapped up in everyone else's drama and what they are doing or saying.  I guess it's because my life isn't interesting enough...yeah right.  So I guess giving up Facebook for the past 40 days has made me realize that knowing everything about everyone else's life doesn't really make mine any better in fact I think that the reasons I want to know about their lives are completely wrong...

I will be back though! You see I love to hear about all the things that God is doing for each of you and all the things that you are doing for each other, because that my friends should be the true purpose of social networking.  :) 

Family

So this weekend I learned a valuable lesson...sometimes it's okay to be Switzerland.  I love my family, all of them.  And even if they don't get along or like to be around each other doesn't mean that I have to agree with why they don't get along.  I have been able to really reflect on what family means and what it doesn't.  I've realized that not every family is the same and no family is perfect.  So keeping that in mind I have really been able to move forward and stop dwelling on the past; I've done a lot of forgiving and it really started with forgiving myself for being so selfish when it came to my expectations of family.  


Some of you may know this but my family has never been what you would call close knit.  Lots of fighting and blaming occur.  And I guess there comes a time in everyone's life where you have to quit worrying about all the wrong that was done and realize that you have to be there for each other.  Sometimes you have to put your differences aside for the greater good, and well it seems that is what happened this passed weekend.  


It was really nice to spend the day with my little sister and little brother on this past Sunday for my sisters wedding.  We had fun together and we laughed...a lot.  I have an amazing sister-in-law, she is extremely creative and very good to my brother, however she would be a little better if she was giving me a nephew instead of another niece but hey I guess I will take whatever God gives me.  My brother is still my sweet little brother; very sensitive and caring.  But he's hilarious...and I love him.  My sister is crazy...but she did have to follow my act so I guess that's pretty fitting.   She has an amazing little girl who she adores, which makes me realize that we aren't so different.  She's extremely stubborn which would be why I love her so much because so am I, so I really get her.  And lucky for Nate he gets to put up with it for the rest of his life, however he better be good to her and my niece, or well let's just say you'll have to put up with me.  I am glad you are now part of this family, Nate.   I will have to say it's been a while since I've seen my dad smile but he did a lot of that on Sunday, even if he seemed a little camera shy.  My mom has the big heart and even though I don't always see eye to eye with her I always know that her intentions are good.  She loves me and that's all that really should matter; the difference she has with other members of the family shouldn't involve me so I am just going to focus on my relationship with her. I love my parents and they may not know it but they have had a large effect on who I am as a person, I have a big heart but I don't always know how to show it...but it's there and I'm getting better. 


This wouldn't be complete if I didn't tell you about my grandma.  She drives me crazy...but I suppose after you live with someone for 15 years they do that to you...it's a two-way street I'm sure.  However she recently moved to Forsyth which is further away from where I live.  I was mad and upset at first because I didn't think I'd ever see her but then I realized maybe that is what was best.  She's been there for a couple of months and honestly I can't remember her being this content since my grandpa died.  My aunt has really helped relieve a lot of stress off me and Josh because she has taken over the trips to the Dr. for her and making sure she is taking care of herself.  I love my aunt and she has been a really essential part of my family since she moved back to this area a year ago.  


My cousin and I grew up very different.  She was more of a rebel and I was more of a rule follower...at least until I got to college.  I often forget that we are so different and it's not really either of our faults.  I also realize that I haven't gotten the chance to know or understand her and judging her isn't really what I am here for, so instead I'm going to just love her and leave the judging to someone who has a higher power then I do.  I don't want to hold a grudge for mistakes that were made especially since I've made plenty.  So I believe starting over with her is maybe the more adult thing to do, and I'm more then certain God would approve of it way more then He did my last theory.  


I've realized that no matter what has happened in the past I can't change it and I have to move forward with the future and I will always need family.  Understanding that we all have different ideas about what family should look like has really helped me understand that we are what God made us and even if it's not perfect it is His creation.  So I'm embracing it and loving it for what it is and not what I want it to be.  


I know several of you will have no interest in this post; however I hope that my family will understand that I am done worrying about what has happened and I'm ready to start being apart of each of their lives. 


Mom, Dad, Grandma, Aunt Gretchen, Kristin, Matt, Jessica, Nate, Kaylee, Baby Lexi, Tricia, Carson, and McKenna  I love you regardless of the past.

Preview

My Superman

So I was recently informed that it was time for another blog. So here it goes....

When I married Josh I had this expectation that I would have a happily ever after...and then I got a nice smack in the face with reality.  I can't say that I'm not happy that would be a lie, I'm extremely happy, however I can say happily ever after is hard work.  What the fairy tales don't tell you is that marriage can get rocky and life gets hard, it's not as easy as it looks,  Cindy.   But no matter what is going on and what life has thrown at us we get through it together.  


I feel lucky that I am so blessed to have married my best friend. He is my rock, my angel.  He has seen me at my worst and he knows all of my faults, and God knows I have several of them, yet he places no judgement on me and loves me.  Sometimes I wonder how I got so lucky and then I realized that this is what God wanted for me; someone strong, loving, caring, nurturing, honest, and amazingly forgiving.  


To  my husband, I love you!  Even if we don't live in a castle, change form with a kiss, or get our wishes from blue genies in lamps you are my prince.  I don't know where I would be if I didn't have you; you are my best friend and God definitely helped answer my prayers when he sent you into my life.  Thank you for always being true to who you are and helping me do the same.  

They say the funniest things...

So as most of you know my girls are my world and so many of you love to hear Tatumisms or Jaymeisms so I thought that I could possibly compose some of my favorites and let you read them.  They always put a smile on my face and I'm sure they would do the same for you.


I will start with some recent ones since they are more fresh in my mind.


J: "Mom, when do I get to stay home with you during the week?"
Me: "The 17th because I took the day off to take you to the Dr."
J: "For what?? I'm not getting any kindergarten shots!"
Me: "You have to if you want to go to school next year."
J:  "Well then I ain't going to school."
Me: "You have to go to school, Jayme."
J: "Well if I'm getting a shot then your getting me Andy's and we are going to Incredible Pizza!!"
I swear this kid is a better con-artist at 5 then I have ever been. 


T: "Friday is Rockstar day at school, Mom, so I need a perfect outfit."
Me: "Well what do you want to wear?"
T: "I want it to be princess day, then I can just wear a dress since I'm already a princess."


J: "I'm gonna name my panda bear Elizabeth that way even when you are at work I will still have something that has your name with me, so I don't forget you."  --Made my hear melt. 


T: "Mom, why does your shirt have Missouri State and a Bear on it?"
Me: "That's where I went to college, are you going to go to college?"
T: "Only if I can go to college in Springfield so that I can come visit you everyday!" 


Me: "Jayme what are you doing?"
J:" I'm fixing my wedgie, why do you want one?"


T: " I have a giant headache and her name is Liz" 


T: "Mom do you have a job yet, because you could like take me swimming because I need to get a tan"


J: "How do you think Squeak got to heaven?"
T: "They probably just tied lots of balloons on to him and floated him up to God."






These are just some of the one's that I can remember making me smile.  I hope you enjoy them.  I will have lots more to come as the year passes but thought for now I would just share a few with you.  

Goodbye 2010

Looking back on the past 8 months of my life I realize that so much has happened and I have become so much more aware of what purpose I can serve to my family and my friends.  At the beginning of 2010 if you would of asked me if I could imagine working at a different company and doing something different with my life I would of laughed and answered "No" with a certainty in my voice.  Luckily I would have been wrong.  


I always thought that "everything happens for a reason" was very cliche until I understood the meaning.  I spent endless hours dedicating my time and energy to something that in the long run would of never been worth it.  I found that people I thought I could trust would be the first ones to turn their backs when I needed them and I found myself feeling sorry for myself.  No way to spend your life.  


I very slowly started to understand that God had a different purpose for me and something that would give my life meaning and a sense of fulfillment.  I had been blessed with an amazing husband who I almost didn't know anymore and two beautiful daughters that never quite understood why mommy had to work so much.  There was a point during my unemployment that I had to realize that no job in the world could replace what I had missed out on the last 4 years of my life and no job would every be worth missing those things again.  I made a decision that no matter what type of job I took I wouldn't let it interfere with my family, I had already lost so much time with them that I couldn't afford to lose another moment or memory.  


I have been happily employed at my current job since June, I haven't had to miss a school program, a birthday party invitation, a date night with my husband, taking my kids to the movies, tucking them into bed, or church on Sunday morning with my family.  I guess I never really new how much I was missing and how many memories where being made without me until I got the chance to be there and be a part of what was important to them.  That feeling I get when I see my children smile because I'm part of the important things is the most rewarding feeling in the world.


I'm grateful for the mistakes I made because if I hadn't made those decisions I wouldn't understand what it feels like to be happy.  Sometimes you don't realize how unhappy you might be when you are in a situation but you sure feel grateful once it's over.  I also realize that it's never to late to start over and say goodbye to the things that bring you down, but most of all I realized it's never to late to let God show you your purpose.  Sometimes it takes feeling like you are a failure to realize there is something bigger out there for you.  My purpose isn't to be the bread winner or to be married to my work, it's to be the best mother and wife that I can and offer my children and husband all the support and encouragement they need.  So here's to a life altering 2010 and continuing to move forward 2011!