So this weekend I learned a valuable lesson...sometimes it's okay to be Switzerland. I love my family, all of them. And even if they don't get along or like to be around each other doesn't mean that I have to agree with why they don't get along. I have been able to really reflect on what family means and what it doesn't. I've realized that not every family is the same and no family is perfect. So keeping that in mind I have really been able to move forward and stop dwelling on the past; I've done a lot of forgiving and it really started with forgiving myself for being so selfish when it came to my expectations of family.
Some of you may know this but my family has never been what you would call close knit. Lots of fighting and blaming occur. And I guess there comes a time in everyone's life where you have to quit worrying about all the wrong that was done and realize that you have to be there for each other. Sometimes you have to put your differences aside for the greater good, and well it seems that is what happened this passed weekend.
It was really nice to spend the day with my little sister and little brother on this past Sunday for my sisters wedding. We had fun together and we laughed...a lot. I have an amazing sister-in-law, she is extremely creative and very good to my brother, however she would be a little better if she was giving me a nephew instead of another niece but hey I guess I will take whatever God gives me. My brother is still my sweet little brother; very sensitive and caring. But he's hilarious...and I love him. My sister is crazy...but she did have to follow my act so I guess that's pretty fitting. She has an amazing little girl who she adores, which makes me realize that we aren't so different. She's extremely stubborn which would be why I love her so much because so am I, so I really get her. And lucky for Nate he gets to put up with it for the rest of his life, however he better be good to her and my niece, or well let's just say you'll have to put up with me. I am glad you are now part of this family, Nate. I will have to say it's been a while since I've seen my dad smile but he did a lot of that on Sunday, even if he seemed a little camera shy. My mom has the big heart and even though I don't always see eye to eye with her I always know that her intentions are good. She loves me and that's all that really should matter; the difference she has with other members of the family shouldn't involve me so I am just going to focus on my relationship with her. I love my parents and they may not know it but they have had a large effect on who I am as a person, I have a big heart but I don't always know how to show it...but it's there and I'm getting better.
This wouldn't be complete if I didn't tell you about my grandma. She drives me crazy...but I suppose after you live with someone for 15 years they do that to you...it's a two-way street I'm sure. However she recently moved to Forsyth which is further away from where I live. I was mad and upset at first because I didn't think I'd ever see her but then I realized maybe that is what was best. She's been there for a couple of months and honestly I can't remember her being this content since my grandpa died. My aunt has really helped relieve a lot of stress off me and Josh because she has taken over the trips to the Dr. for her and making sure she is taking care of herself. I love my aunt and she has been a really essential part of my family since she moved back to this area a year ago.
My cousin and I grew up very different. She was more of a rebel and I was more of a rule follower...at least until I got to college. I often forget that we are so different and it's not really either of our faults. I also realize that I haven't gotten the chance to know or understand her and judging her isn't really what I am here for, so instead I'm going to just love her and leave the judging to someone who has a higher power then I do. I don't want to hold a grudge for mistakes that were made especially since I've made plenty. So I believe starting over with her is maybe the more adult thing to do, and I'm more then certain God would approve of it way more then He did my last theory.
I've realized that no matter what has happened in the past I can't change it and I have to move forward with the future and I will always need family. Understanding that we all have different ideas about what family should look like has really helped me understand that we are what God made us and even if it's not perfect it is His creation. So I'm embracing it and loving it for what it is and not what I want it to be.
I know several of you will have no interest in this post; however I hope that my family will understand that I am done worrying about what has happened and I'm ready to start being apart of each of their lives.
Mom, Dad, Grandma, Aunt Gretchen, Kristin, Matt, Jessica, Nate, Kaylee, Baby Lexi, Tricia, Carson, and McKenna I love you regardless of the past.
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